Circles
by Yuri Shibuya
Summary: KakaIru oneshot. Iruka is gone and Kakashi, in the end, can't handle it.


**Warning: **Very OOC, I'd say. R&R pls.

-

He was sitting in his office. Kakashi was sitting in Iruka's office. A year ago it would have been abnormal for Kakashi to do paper work, closed doors and pens were definitely not his thing, he needed fresh air and to be in activity. At least, that's how it used to be. Things had changed drastically, it had changed in this very office. But it was too late to look back, memories were all that he had left.

_Kakashi's eyes, or the eye that weren't hidden behind his __forehead protector, met Iruka's brown. He could tell by the look in Iruka's eyes that the fellow teacher was far from satisfied with his decision. _

"_You don't understand." Kakashi's voice was sharp, even before he had gone to Iruka's office he'd made up his mind. "Naruto is ready for the mission." _

"_But it's dangerous," Iruka repeated, 'dangerous' was a word he often included in his arguments. "What if anything should happen?" _

"_I have my Sharingan," Kakashi replied, referring to his red, left eye which could copy, well almost, any technique. "You worry too much, Iruka, even if anything should happen Naruto's skills have improved. Besides, I have already made up my mind, and I can assure you that Naruto won't let me down." _

_Iruka got up from his spot, turning his back against Kakashi. He hugged himself, looking out of the window. He didn't say anything, remained speechless. To Kakashi it seemed like the young Chuunin had something to say – but didn't dare. He went over to him, carefully placing a hand on Iruka's shoulder. There was no knowing when Iruka would suddenly turn around, slapping him across the cheek. After all, it had happened before. _

"_He will be fine." His soft voice forced Iruka to turn around. Their eyes met, burning with passion for the other. Iruka placed his hand on Kakashi's cheek, who almost, almost let Iruka reveal the secret hidden behind his mask. _

"_It's not Naruto I'm worried about," Iruka whispered. "It's you." His eyes were trembling as Kakashi caressed his soft, brown hair. Even though he had, long ago, noticed the way Iruka looked at him, he was surprised by his sudden confession. Could it be the slight breath of wind, breezing slightly in the entrance of the window that he felt against his lips? No, it was Iruka's warm breath, alerting that their lips were close.. So close.._

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura's sharp voice brought Kakashi back to reality. She was leaning against the door frame. He looked up, dumbfounded and confused. Had he dreamt about Iruka again? He then noticed that Sakura's pink hair had definitely grown during summer holidays, and her skin weren't as pale as before. Her red gown was switched with a pair of white shorts, and a green t-shirt.

"Sakura," Kakashi greeted. "What can I do for you?" Sakura's eyes widened, he had obviously forgotten something. His lack of memory was probably caused by that ever since that day, Iruka had been the only thing, or person on his mind.

"Well don't you wanna see what I, Sasuke and Naruto have learnt during summer holidays?" A smile spread across her face, and Kakashi forced himself to smile back. He put the pen on the paper, getting up.

"Of course."

-

The wind felt good on Kakashi's face. He hadn't been outside for a while, of course he'd been outside when walking to and from the academy, but otherwise the Jounin had spent every passing minute inside. He was watching, almost with interest as Naruto challenged Sasuke. As usual, Sasuke declined, and Naruto threw a tantrum. Sakura lectured Naruto, they had grown and changed in so many ways since Kakashi last saw them, but they were also still the same kids they had been when he first met them. And he was grateful.

But obviously, something was missing. Kakashi glanced to the left, a year ago Iruka would be sitting right there, next to him at the bench. Not always, but sometimes he would join Kakashi, to see how much his old students had improved. After their first kiss in Iruka's office, he had joined him more often. He could picture him, Iruka sitting next to him, with that pink rose in his hands, that small smile and those red cheeks, and his hair, his brown, silky hair blowing in the wind.

"_It's your turn to pay up, dattebayo." Naruto was clearly annoyed by Sasuke's lack of money, after all, according to __him, it was Sasuke's turn to treat him to ramen due to his lost bet. Sasuke's emptied his pockets. _

"_I have nothing to pay with." The reply was short, obviously annoying the blonde even more. They started arguing about ramen, then about skills, and after that Kakashi couldn't be bothered to follow the argument any further. In the end, Sakura had stopped the fight by offering to pay. The final judgement left a big grin on Naruto's face, and of course left Sasuke with the infamous 'care face' expression before they took off._

"_You are right." Iruka's loveable voice filled the air, interrupting Kakashi's thoughts. "They have improved." A smile spread across Kakashi's masked face, making Iruka blush. The wind blew through his chocolate brown hair, pulling and teasing his pony tail. Kakashi carefully caressed his hair, slowly removing the rubber band in Iruka's hair. _

"_Stop that," Iruka protested, he didn't like his hair blowing free. _

"_I'm always right," Kakashi jokingly replied. "I'm also right when I say that you look gorgeous with your hair set free." Iruka's cheeks changed from slight pink, to a deep shade of red. His lips shaped into a small smile, looking like he was trying to control his emotions. It was cute, in a way, the moment they shared, with the sound of fast heartbeats breaking the silence. _

_Kakashi carefully placed his hand on Iruka's, he was so much paler than him. Iruka bit his lip, his smile widening. He laced fingers when Kakashi, and when the other man was sure that no one was looking, he pulled down his mask, pressing his rough lips against Iruka's soft. It was a short kiss, but seemed to last forever. _

_Kakashi turned around, picking a rose from the bush beside the bench. Iruka's blush deepened when he was given the pink rose, he mouthed a small 'thank you,' looking down on his lap. It made Kakashi's stomach turn, he felt happiness and butterflies, dwelling inside his tummy. The rose really suited Iruka. _

Kakashi remembered that day, in the beginning of the spring the year before. He remembered exactly how Iruka looked, smelled, the exact feelings boiling up inside him that very day, this very place. His eyes wandered from his past students, to the bush he had been picking flowers from. They had faded long time ago, as a result of autumn. Kakashi's finger gently touched one of the withered roses, causing leafs to fall on the ground. Then, the rain started falling.

-

The rain had poured for weeks, for some causing a lot of trouble. But for Kakashi Hatake, the long, never ending period with heavy gray clouds resting over Konohagakure was just like any other, paper after paper, the normal afternoon darkness disturbing his mind. Even during weekends Kakashi had nothing better to do than paper work, he sometimes wondered how he got through the whole bunch and how Iruka could deal with it, over, and over again. Though this afternoon was different, someone wanted to see him.

Kakashi sighed as the knocks got louder, and louder. He got up from his seat, looking out through the window to see who'd actually bothered visiting him when rainy clouds so heavily covered the sky. He was surprised to see Naruto outside the door, his usual spiky blonde hair hanging down his soaked cheeks like a wet cat. He mouthed 'can I come in,' and Kakashi willingly opened the window.

"Naruto," he greeted. "Come in."

A few minutes later, Naruto was in the doorway, his clothes soaked, his face cold and wet with a hard expression to it. He kicked his shoes off, following Kakashi inside, settling down on the couch. The water from his clothes dripped down on it, but it didn't bother Kakashi. He offered Naruto dry clothes, and whilst the young student changed the previous teacher made them both a hot cup of tea.

"Why did you come all the way here?" Kakashi asked when they were both sitting on the couch. The sixteen year old boy frowned, twiddling his thumbs. He wasn't looking at Kakashi, neither touching the cup of tea. He had obviously come for a reason, otherwise he would have stayed inside, at least according to Kakashi.

"Why are you not our teacher anymore, Kakashi-sensei?" was Naruto's reply. The question somewhat shocked Kakashi, he had almost forgotten. Almost forgotten why he had abandoned doing what he loved the most, spending time with his team, watching them becoming better ninjas as time passed by. He had even forgotten pride, forgotten the feeling and what it was. He couldn't explain it to Naruto, even if he tried. He would either misunderstand or not understand at all.

"I, I don't know," was Kakashi's final conclusion. He looked down on his hands, they were trembling. Naruto didn't say anything, took a sip of the tea and waited for a real answer.

"Jiraiya-sensei is alright," Naruto mumbled when Kakashi didn't give him the answer he wanted, in fact he didn't answer for real at all. "But we miss you, Kakashi-sensei. Why are you doing paper work instead of teaching us new techniques and taking us on exciting missions like you used to? Why did you quit?"

When hearing the young boy's words, Kakashi remembered. He remembered why he spent his time, locked up in his house or office doing paper work, instead of being outside doing exactly what Naruto had recalled. _That day_changed everything, everything in Kakashi's life. The day he had locked up, deep inside his memory, the one reminiscence with Iruka that he wished not to remember.

_Kakashi was on his way home, just having had a teaching lesson with his team; team number 7. __When revealing to the three that Naruto was the only one who would accompany him during his next mission, the blonde had almost exploded with happy screams whilst Sasuke had thrown a mental fit. Sakura had, as usual, stopped the two of them from taking action in fighting eachother. Everything was how it should be, everything was normal. Except from one thing, person might suit the description more.. _

_**Iruka Umino. **_

_Iruka had been tip toeing around him lately, behaving strange whil__e acting like nothing was wrong. He was a fool to think that he could trick a Jounin, though Kakashi had decided not to pester him about it. He'd rather wait 'til Iruka opened up, and the opportunity passed by faster than expected. Somewhere in front of him, Kakashi could almost, almost spot a creature with brown hair and Iruka's clothes; it couldn't by any chance be any other than the man himself. _

"_Kakashi." Iruka stopped a meter in front of him, greeting him warmly as usual, with a smile on his face and the color red added to his cheeks. _

"_Iruka," Kakashi smiled. Iruka seemed nervous, Kakashi recognized the signs; he played with his hair and stood looking on the ground. He seemed to have something on his mind, something that needed to get out unless the Chuunin wished to explode. _

_And of course, Kakashi was right. The brown haired man smiled slightly, before caressing his cheek gently. Kakashi immediately knew what he was getting at, and gently pushed his hand away. _

"_Not like this, not in the open." Kakashi blew Iruka a friendly smile. What he got in return, was a cold frown. He raised an eyebrow, Iruka was obviously not satisfied with his declination. _

"_Why do you always say that?" Iruka kicked a rock, he kicked it hard like it was supposed to hit Kakashi, but at the same time wasn't. Kakashi shrugged. _

"_I just don't want people getting the wrong idea, that's all." For some reason, he couldn't look Iruka in the eye when speaking. Instead he looked down, down on the rock who'd perfectly parked just in front of his feet. It was gray, and shaped like a five-square. Like any other normal rock. _

"_The wrong idea? And what might that be, Kakashi Hatake?" Iruka's voice was, well angry wasn't the right expression. Rather disappointed, with a bit of sadness added to it, though Kakashi didn't really see why. Iruka was obviously trying to hide them, his feelingst. Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair, not really knowing what to say. _

"_Well you know. That we were like, together or something." Iruka clenched his fist, trying to control the anger and hurt inside him. He scanned Kakashi, who was still looking at that stupid rock with his hands in his pockets. That stupid, stupid Jounin._

"_So that's how it is." Kakashi's eyes widened at Iruka's voice. He was about to reply, but Iruka didn't let him. There was something about him that caught his attention, something that told Kakashi to listen. He kept his mouth shut, waiting for Iruka's sentence. _

"_You've just.. You've just played me around during these last few weeks." Kakashi's mouth was still closed, though his eyes were focusing on Iruka letting him know that he was actually paying attention. _

"_You.. You have no idea for how long I've.. For gods sake Kakashi, you know I've been watching you for a very long time, you know that I.. That I have feelings for you, feelings that are higher levelled than friendly. I didn't really think that you were that kind off person who would just, I mean I know that I might not be good enough for you, but certain things do have their limits." Kakashi opened his mouth to prevent Iruka from saying more, but was clearly interrupted since the chuunin hadn't finished. _

"_All the nights.. All the long, hard days of paper work, that I can't concentrate on because you're on my mind. And suddenly, just out in the blue, you offer, well something to me, and then you just.. You, you and your stupid good looks and charms.." Iruka was trying to hold back tears – that was quite obvious to Kakashi. But instead of saying anything, instead of even trying to comfort or at least calm his colleague down, he remained quiet. _

_Of course Kakashi had been in, well you could hardly call them, relationships before. Of course he'd hurt people before, but this was different, this was new to him. He had no idea whatsoever what to say, no one had ever said these words escaping Iruka's soft lips to him during his lifetime. _

_Even though Iruka hadn't finished, he shifted direction, walking away. Walking away, leaving Kakashi to think, and wait.. _

Of course, the roles were switched as it were. Iruka was no longer the one longing for Kakashi whilst sleeping or doing paper work – Kakashi was. But there was no way Naruto would never understand that, there was no way anyone would. Kakashi clenched his fist, if he'd just known what to say back then, then may be.. May be they would have at least been together longer.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto's hands appeared in front of his eyes, waving for him to 'wake up.' Kakashi glanced at Naruto, resting his cheek on his steady palm.

"Because I'm not good enough to be your teacher anymore," Kakashi lied. He added a fake laugh, which luckily was real enough to Naruto, who laughed along with his 'joke.' He had to admit that Naruto's stupidity could be a good thing.

-

Weeks passed, months passed and before Kakashi knew it, spring was once again at the door step. He knew he would be too late for work again, due to that he wasn't moving from his spot in front of Obito's – and several other's - memorial. He sighed, fooling around at a place like this wouldn't do any good. He was just about to leave when something caught his attention. Two circles, drawn on the ground. Kakashi kneeled in front of them, tracing his fingers past the pale lines. Even though they weren't shaped how they used to be, they had hardly faded. And then, he remembered.

_Kakashi was heading for the memorial, where Iruka had wanted to meet him. The two of them had talked about things, and were almost like a normal couple though Iruka had agreed to keeping their relationship a secret 'til Kakashi was more comfortable with it. Spotting his brown haired angel, Kakashi smiled. The sight of Iruka always made him smile, no matter what sort of mood he was in. _

_When finally reaching Iruka's spot, Kakashi wrapped his arms around him. He pressed his forehead against Iruka's, who was, as usual, blushing and smiling. _

"_You wanted to see me." Kakashi's voice was soft. Iruka tangled and messed with Kakashi's hair, nervously biting his lips. Their eyes met, and Kakashi couldn't help but feel lucky to have such a beautiful man by his side. The way Iruka smiled, the way he blushed, everything about him was so.. So cute, to be exact. _

"_I just wanted to show you something." Iruka took Kakashi by the hand, leading him to the memorial. He kneeled in front of it, and Kakashi did the same. On the ground were two hearts drawn, and Kakashi couldn't help but smile. What was Iruka up to now? _

"_What are they?" Kakashi asked. He knew they were hearts of course – but yet had to find out why they were there. _

"_Well I know you're always here and I was just.." Iruka's blush deepened. "I was just thinking that, if you ever need comfort or ever feel lonely, I want you to go to this place, and look at these hearts. And I want you to know.. I want you to think that as long as these two hearts are drawn on the ground, we will be together.." _

Even when Iruka died, Kakashi hadn't cried. He hadn't dared to, not officially, nor in front of his angel. But when thinking back, he cried. Tears trickled down the Jounin's face, of both sadness and joy. Thinking back to the memory he both despised and loved the most, made him realise that it was like Iruka had known. It was like Iruka had known that he was going to leave Kakashi sooner than he expected.

_Iruka __cried. Cried and smiled. He was resting in Kakashi's arms, so peacefully even though he was coughing blood, even though he would soon leave his present body and he knew it. He held tightly onto Kakashi's hand, his blood trickling down his fingers. Even though Kakashi was ruined, his heart torn to pieces knowing that Iruka would die, because of him, he forced himself to smile. The last thing he wanted Iruka to see before dying, was the sadness dwelling and boiling up inside the man he loved. _

"_Kiss me," Iruka's bloody lips whispered. Kakashi brushed tears off Iruka's face, pressing his lips against the dying man's. He could hardly feel his lips, and Kakashi knew that Iruka couldn't feel his either, but that it was enough. Iruka stopped crying, his chocolate brown eyes looking into Kakashi's. Iruka carefully lifted his hand up to Kakashi's forehead protector, taking it off. He traced his fingers down Kakashi's soft skin, Kakashi who was so close, so close to crying._

"_I'm so tired," Iruka whispered. Even though sadness drenched the Jounin, the soft smile on his lips didn't falter._

"_Sleep," he whispered. "Sleep and I'll bring you home safely." Iruka's chocolate brown eyes lost their spark at that very moment. He closed them slowly, whispering something that only Kakashi could hear. _

"_I love you, Kakashi.__." _

Kakashi smiled, laughed and cried at the memory. Never had Iruka been cuter, than the first and last time he'd told him these three, special and also magical words. His fingers were still tracing the circles on the ground, it had been almost two years but not before now Kakashi realised the meaning of Iruka's words. A new spring brought new grass, and from grass bloomed new flowers. Flowers such as pink, beautiful roses, perfectly matching Iruka's chocolate brown hair and eyes.

When feeling a certain someone's presence, he looked up, realising that every single word Iruka had said were true. These circles drawn by the perfect man in front of him were proof of it.

**THE END.**


End file.
